I am sick of being fat. Really just sick.of.it. I’ve had all the children that I plan to so what better time to “reinvent” myself than now. What am I waiting for?
Well, I’ve been waiting for the how. How am I going to lose at least 30 pounds? Since being a stay at home mom for the last three months, I’ve had time to think about this. Ok, so if I’ve had so much time to “think” on the subject why not just do it? Just stop eating so damn much and get outside and walk! Do something! For me it's just not that easy.
I've always considered myself fat, even when I wasn't. My whole life has been plagued with losing just a few more pounds. It's been an obsession and I'm through with that. When I got married (March 2006), I was finally happy with the way I looked. I certainly wasn't at my thinnest but I was happy. After being married for a few months I gained about 10 pounds. No biggie, I wasn't worried. I had my first baby and gained some weight. Lost most of that quickly but struggled with the last 20 pounds. Held onto that right up through pregnancy number 2. The funny thing? Lost all the baby weight I gained with Baby number 2, but still have that 20 pounds from after baby number 1 and the 10 pounds from after I got married. My goal: lose the 30 pounds I've gained since my wedding.
I’ve easily had the worst year of my life (sprinkled with one awesome moment, the birth of my son). My mom passed away suddenly in January and with that my world simply fell apart. Being several months pregnant (along with my sister) when it happened certainly didn’t help. What got me through? My family, my daughter especially and food. I didn’t really watch what I ate while I was pregnant before but this tragedy totally opened the food floodgates. I always had an excuse to eat. I was either very sad or very pregnant.
I’ve never considered myself a “bad” eater. I don’t usually sit down and eat a whole pizza or two large milkshakes. I’ve never really denied myself any type of food, I just thought I always controlled the portions ok. This is what I thought. Seeing myself in pictures lately has led me to these decisions: to enroll with Jenny Craig and to blog about it?
Why Jenny Craig? That’s simple: I DO NOT have time to think. The idea of pre-packaged, pre-determined meals appeals to me. The guesswork is done. Eat this and you’ll lose weight. Ok, sign me up.
Why the blog? No, I don't really believe that my journey will be in any way unique and thus worth reading about (I’m no Ruby here, I don’t think TLC is knocking down my door)...this blog is more for me than you. It will hold me accountable. If I tried a weight loss program and failed, the only people who usually knew about it was me, my loving supportive husband and maybe my sister. It’s a lot harder to give up when countless people are following you. People I may not even know or haven’t seen in years. When I’ve done diets in the past, if I cheat a little I just skipped the weigh in telling myself I’d get back on track next week. No one has to know about this slip up. Now if that happens, I’ll have to face it. I’ll write about it. And I hoping the shame (support from you all!) will get me right back on track.
My goal: lose 30 pounds by Christmas. Why, I won’t lie…I miss looking good and being proud of myself. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year it’s that your family is all that matters and I want to be around for mine for a long, long time to come. Don’t spend your whole life running around in circles searching for the perfect body because that body won’t last forever. But I want to be around forever and to do that I must get healthy. And I will…I will…I will!!!!
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